Well…. I’ve certainly been a lazy unfocused unambitious and downright blue mess of a Magical Catgirl of late. As much as I tried to shake it off and basically pretend it didn’t worry me, I couldn’t make it go away. Couldn’t make it stop. It really… and I mean reeeaally… started to scare me. Was I slowly going crazy? Was it some kind of depression? Was it gonna get worse? I had no idea. It wasn’t until my sweet Carolyn cornered me one evening last week as we slid into bed and let me know she’d noticed my uncharacteristically odd mood and wanted to know what was bothering me. Annnnd… I kinda lost it. Yep… started crying and couldn’t explain to her why I was so moody and sluggish and confessed finally that I thought maybe I was losing it. Going all loony tunes… “Cray-Cray”… whatever. Not understanding why I felt so weird all the time was the worst thing in the world. Now…. apparently Carolyn really was serious about all that “for better or worse” thing when we got ourselves married, and after letting me cry myself stupid she did what she does best and told me to stop trying to fight this mood all by myself and get some help. So, I plucked up my courage and went to see my doctor the very next day. After a few tests…. some good news… apparently I’m not going insane. Nope. Apparently Mother Nature has just decided it’s time for yours truly to enter the wonderful world of Perimenopause.
Ummmm? “Perimenopause”? What the heck is that exactly? I certainly had no clue. Now I do…. and if you want to know all about what goofy hormonal hazards this wee Catgirl has slid into the by all means, “Read On”…. (Heck… while I’m feeling chatty I might even get around to updating you all on my other recent Holiday antics… 😉 )
So…. Upside is my doctor is pretty sure I’m probably not going to sink into an endless morass of depression and inactivity… or go all postal and start wasting mimes…. The downside of course, is that entering this phase of my life means that full blown menopause is probably right around the corner in the next few years, something no woman has ever looked forward to. Sigh….
Right now, apparently my symptoms are mostly mood swings and mild depression and alternating insomnia and sleepiness. Basically my hormones are all out of whack and my body is seeking to find that new balance I’m destined for. At first I was kinda surprised… I mean, I always thought I’d be in my 50’s before I had to worry about any of this stuff, but apparently at 42 I’m pretty much right on schedule for this. I’ve always had a particular sensitivity to seasonal changes, temperature shifts, and the like and my doctor tells me it’s not all that surprising that subtle hormonal shifts would also affect me deeply too. So what that means is that super sensitive silly lil’ me has noticed what is for most women an almost unnoticeable preparation for the “Main Event”. Oh, yay… the way this one has snuck up and grabbed me I just can’t wait for that to happen….
So…. it’s a few minor dietary changes, a bit more exercise and physical activity and an understanding that this sort of thing is likely to be an occasional addition to my quirky moods and personality. In fact, the doctor assures me I’m likely to throw this funk off fairly soon and be back to “normal”. Like as not I’ll merely be subject to these sorts of unexpected mood swings and insomnia one in a while and maybe a few other symptoms as I get closer to actual menopause. All in all, it’s been a huge load of my mind. I’ve honestly not liked the weird “disconnected” and “blehhhh” feelings I’ve experienced these last couple months. I had quite honestly begun to feel like a stranger in my own body and mind and that was a scary, scary thing. You may have noticed, o’ Gentle Visitors, but this wee lady really likes to have a good clear understanding of “me” and what makes me tick at all times. When I don’t have it, my neurotic side tends to assert itself.
I should be pretty happy…. after all my symptoms seem to be pretty mild…. no “hot flashes”, no incontinence, no nasty cramps, no sore places, and my menstrual cycle seems quite happy to keep chugging along just like it always has, although the doctor tells me that’s likely to change in time. Carolyn was relieved to hear there’s nothing really terribly wrong with me and even teased me again about me being the older of the two of us. That didn’t last long when I reminded her how close we are in age… oh yeah… it’s gonna get her too. Hah!! Didn’t think of that did she? 😉
Anyways…. that’s that. I’m really sorry to have to dump all this kind of personal stuff on all my Gentle Visitors, I know you usually drop by to share less weighty things but given how flaky I’ve been round here I figured it was only fair to explain why I’ve been so darn absent.
So then. Enough discussing how I’m passing the “best by date” for my lady bits. Let’s move on to some of the usual Litterbox goings on.
How’s Halloween going for me then? Well, as you might guess, my lack of ambition and drive has pretty much shot that in the gut too for this year. Most of that was the result of the worry and fear I’ve been living with and trying to deny, and now that I have all that explained, I’m determined to push through and get back to my usual fun self again.
I realize I’m way behind on the month’s festival, but I’m still gonna try to squeeze in a couple of reviews this week, our first for the modernized lesbian vampire schoolgirl take on “Carmilla”, 2011’s “The Moth Diaries”. You can expect it sometime by tomorrow evening, once I polish it up a little and embed the pictures when I get home from work. Carolyn’s gonna be busy so I’ve the evening fairly much to myself for a change.
But what about Halloween itself? I know, I know… it’s less than a week away. No time for any big fancy plans for this year, but I’m hoping we’ll still be able to find some nice costume party to attend or at least plan a nice evening out dancing and partying at our favorite bar. Always a good time. Guess we’ll see.
Hmmm? Well. It’s late and my sweetie has already headed off to bed, so I suppose I’ll leave you all here and go join her for some quality cuddle time… so till next time out, “Meow, meow, for now!!”