Well January is here, and although I’m terrible at keeping New Years Resolutions, I’m back again with my latest Diary posting as part of my personal promise to stop slacking off and actually being more active here at the ol’ Litterbox. So far here in 2014 I’ve been off to a pretty good start, but keeping the momentum is soooo darn hard when “Real Life” keep throwing it’s usual crop of distractions at me.
One of those is the planning for, as my smugly happy friend Sam puts it, “my long overdue nuptials”. She’s a hopeless romantic and she’s been scheming and working her lil’ heart out to get solitary love-shy lil’ me dating and happily married since we first became friends. Mind you… she figures she wasted a lot of time trying to find me a husband when apparently what my heart has always needed was a wife…. But then, who knew? Certainly not silly lil’ me….
So… now that Carolyn has made it “official” and asked me if I’d like to be hers and hers alone, to have and to hold, with kisses and cuddles, for now and forever… the main thing filling my spare time is making all those decisions about where and when and how… and a whole darn lot more I never even really considered until just now.
And there’s a whole lot to this stuff…. so if any of you Gentle Visitors want to know how it’s all going, then by all means “Read On” and I’ll share the details… as well as more of my somewhat goofy ramblings… 😉
Marriage. I suppose every lil’ girl thinks about it and imagines what it’ll be like. More importantly… they all wonder what “he’ll” be like. Their very own “Prince Charming”…. We’ve all done it, and any woman who tells you differently is lying through her teeth. Funny thing is…. if we are lucky and we finally do find love it’s almost never where, or who, we think it’ll be.
For this lil’ unconventional goofy young girl I always assumed I’d find that one guy who was funny and charming and adventurous… (and handsome too… Hey… I admit it… I’m as shallow as the next lady….) who had the fierce heart of a hero and the sensitive spirit of a poet. I dreamed he’d see me and be so smitten with my quirky charms from the first moment we met that he’d never leave my side and he’d be my hero, sweep me off my feet and swear to protect me and love me forever. Well. Guess what? This lucky grown-up lady got all that and more… just in a softer, far prettier package. 🙂
It’s so darn unexpected. I mean… I love Carolyn… there’s absolutely no doubt of that in my mind or heart. Even though my utter lack of any sort of sexual attraction to any other women I’ve ever met has me almost certain that I’m not a lesbian. Seriously. Yep… There’s only her in that part of my silly lil’ brain where all the sexy thoughts hang out… and some of those thoughts do get pretty darn sexy at times. Carolyn I do physically desire… strongly and with no reservations. 😉
And… the idea of marrying Carolyn… of being her wife and she being mine… has me deliriously happy these days beyond any reason. All my instincts tell me this is it!! I suppose I’ll always be confused as to it all…. but that’s just part and parcel of the neurotic need I have to understand the mysteries of my Life even though I probably never will. Yep… that’s me… happy and confused…. 🙂
Carolyn on the other hand couldn’t be happier if she tried. This is, I think, what she’s always needed…. To be free and open with herself and the world and secure in the knowledge that now she’s never going to be alone with her fear ever again. It’s like a light has gone on and everybody can finally see the real Carolyn Simms… the one that for a long time was hidden by the cool self assured facade behind which very few people have ever gotten to see. The one that’s fun and occasionally silly and filled with sentimental love and affection. The one who cries during romantic movies… the one that isn’t always sure of herself… the one who’d give up anything for someone she loved or face down any evil on Earth to keep them safe. Yes. She’s definitely my “Princess Charming”….
You’d think that it would be easy then to slip into each others arms, share that romantic kiss and make that pledge to share our lives and love just the way you imagined when you were that lil’ girl dreaming about “True Love”. Well…. I’m here to tell you there’s a bit more to the whole process than I ever imagined as a wee kitten!!
First up…. where will the big ceremony actually happen? Well… in that we are sort of lucky. It seems two Princesses can legally wed in both New York state, where we live, as well as in California, where my parents do. Not only that… those two states actually recognize and honor marriages performed in the other, so our choice isn’t limited by that factor. Initially we considered California…. as it would give my Mom and Dad a chance to host things and my Mom is, I think, even more excited by this than even we are…. if that’s at all possible. But… my Mom and Dad think that having it here in New York could be better, giving them a chance to actually visit us here… something they’ve never done since I moved away for college years ago. It would also make things easier on all our other possible guests since they all live relatively near us and some.. like Sam would be stretched to make a trip to California. So… OK… one big decision down…. next!!
When will things happen? Carolyn is crazy excited to do this and wanted to make it Valentines Day…. just a few weeks from now… and as incredibly romantic as it would be to get married on the anniversary of the day she first confessed her love for me, that’s just too darn unrealistically soon. (And no way could this wee Catgirl live with the agony of waiting till next Valentines Day….). Instead I’m thinking May or June might be more realistic… as well as giving us warm weather for an outdoor ceremony…. we both agree it’s so damn romantic to be married outdoors as opposed to a stuffy office chapel.
How? Well… it can’t be a religious ceremony. Neither Carolyn or I are particularly religious… she was raised Methodist and after realizing she was attracted to other girls waaaay back in High School was always somewhat intimidated by their stance on homosexuality, her Mom being a perfect example of that mindset. Me? My Dad was raised Protestant but has never really been a pious church goer in my memory and religion wasn’t ever even a factor in my upbringing. I’m thinking we’ll likely end up doing a somewhat dry and boring official and legal civil thing at the courthouse and then maybe throwing our own ceremony for friends and family later… something small, intimate, and personal.
I do know…. there will be gowns, white lovely gowns with flowers… and bridesmaids. I’ve always wanted that kind of pretty look for my “special day” and after talking about it, I know Carolyn wants it too, so I’ve already asked Sam to be my Maid of Honor, and Sandra is super excited to be her big sister Carolyn’s, no if’s, ands, or buts. Yep. Those things are a given.
Now…. as to who takes who’s name. Carolyn had the idea to take mine…. a sweet notion to honor my Mom and Dad who have been so super about welcoming her to “our family”, but honestly I’m less thrilled by it, as sweet as it is. I’m just so damn worried that Carolyn’s Mom would take it as a slap in the face… ruining any chance there might be to heal that rift that’s sprung up between them. That’s what my instincts tell me, and I’ve always listened to my gut.
Right now, I’ve a sick feeling that it’s had to be Sandra that’s passed along the news of our impending marriage to her. Not hearing something important like this from Carolyn herself isn’t a good thing. Not at all. I soooo wish I could talk to her myself…. fix things between her and Carolyn and have her there for my sweetie. I want that…. but my feelings tell me anything I might do would only make things worse. It doesn’t keep me from wanting it though….. Sigh…
So… let’s see… what else? Ooooohhh!! …. A honeymoon. A secret, romantic getaway to some exotic locale, just the two of us… I definitely want one of those. But that’s waaaaay in advance. 🙂
Anyway…. that’s the current state of our plans. I know… kinda sketchy at the moment. But hey…. I have it on pretty good authority that our Maids of Honor might just be planning a killer Bridal Shower for the two of us sometime soon… and if I know them, it’ll be a blast so there’s that to look forward to.
Till then you’ll have to stay tuned, and if my “At least 2 posts a week minimum” New Years resolution holds, I should have some more stuff for my Gentle Visitors in the near future. Keep your fingers crossed!! 😉