16 comments on ““Funny Smells…. and Wedding Bells?”

    • It’s so funny… because my Mom has always wanted that, especially as I’ve gotten older. At 40 I figured she’d just about given up on the idea that I’d ever meet somebody and get serious about it. I just never realized how easily she’d take to the idea of maybe having a “daughter-in-law” instead of a “son-in-law”…

      • Sigh… I suppose it’s mostly because all of her various friend’s children are married by now with children of their own and here she is stuck with lil’ ol’ me. By now she probably figured I was going to end up some sort of a lonely old spinster with a house full of cats. πŸ˜‰

        I was almost married once before… back in college… but that… ummmmm.. really didn’t work out all that well for me. Since then I dated of course over the years, but never really formed any kind of close attachment to anybody until Carolyn sort of snuck up on me. I guess I had thought that Mom had gotten comfortable with the idea of me remaining single.

      • I think every parent loves seeing their children getting married πŸ˜‰

        Oh…this is the first I’ve you almost got married. Live to know what had happened but I am not going to be nosy about it πŸ˜‰

      • It was a lot of years back… waaaay back when I was in college… and although the break-up tore me up emotionally at the time, the passing of 20 years has a way of making me more reflective about it now.

        It definitely made my pretty “gun-shy” of getting close to anybody again for quite a while… but this new marriage idea is making me wonder if I’m not still holding on to a measure of fear even now. Who knows?

  1. As someone who’s conversations with my mother seem to strangely often come back to weddings, I think the chat is completely normal. As we get older I think they’re just keen we have something permanent and importantly someone to look after us when they’re gone. And I mean that in all the best ways.

    I’ve never been great a decision maker so while a stressful and difficult debate to have with yourself, the fact that only you can make the choice, and few people if anyone can really help make it, is the most frightening part.

    Anyway enough of my perspective, these are your diary pages not mine πŸ™‚ best of luck, and I guess what I meant to say was we’re all with you πŸ™‚

    • Hahaha!! My diary pages have become, in many ways, my way of working out things in my head. It’s the way I deal best with stuff I’m grappling with, seeing it all written out like this.

      My biggest concern with this one is trying to both figure out my own ambivalence over the idea of a marriage to Carolyn as well as trying to read her feelings about it too. As my BFF I know she’d never want to make me feel pushed on something like this, but does this mean more to her than I’m getting the sense of? Or is she being perfectly straight about wanting to wait a bit to get her Mom and Dad speaking to us first? I’m really not getting clear signals on it… and I’m not certain just asking directly would be right at the moment.

      And then there’s silly lil’ me… I mean, why do I have this nagging ambivalence myself about the whole idea? We’re perfect for each other and happy as we can be together, so why hasn’t this just seized me as the most natural next step for us? Is it because my first near marriage went horribly wrong? I do tend to hold on to such experiences… even when I’m not aware of consciously doing it.

      Aaarrgh! I’m doing it again… over-thinking things. Makes my brain hurt. Must… stop… doing… that. πŸ˜‰

      • Overthinking indeed πŸ™‚

        I swither between thinking I’m overthinking paralysing decision making or I’m not thinking enough because I haven’t worked things out yet!

      • Some people have told me you’re supposed to know the relationship is so perfect and so right that the answer is obvious, if you don’t know that then it’s not. Personally I don’t believe that, there’s no such thing as everything being perfect and people are complicated enough that there’s never a simple answer.

        To me the question boils down to is the life you have now the life you want, if so making a public permanent commitment is a lovely way to confirm that for your friends and family.

      • I’m very certain of Carolyn and I as a couple. Over the last 6 years, she’s managed the tricky balancing act to stay both my closest and dearest friend while also becoming my lover and my own feelings for her are very much the same, so no problems there. πŸ˜‰

        My rational brain understands her wanting to settle things with her parents before any “official” change to our status could happen, but all this is so darn new to me that maybe I’m just not connecting with it on a basic instinctual level.

      • If you hadn’t really considered it before it’s perfectly reasonable to have to think things through before getting used to the idea.

        Maybe needing her family to be completely onboard doesn’t cover everything, but if things are slow to change she needs to at least be at peace with that.

        I may have overstepped with my unsolicited advice but I hope putting things on paper at least help you organise your own thoughts πŸ™‚

      • πŸ™‚

        I’m just happy to have people to chat with about this goofy stuff instead of letting it all clog my lil’ head with all the “What if’s?” and “Why not’s?”…. It does help to just let it all spill out when I’m filled to the brim with things that I need to sort. This isn’t a crisis in any way, shape, or form… but it’s something new… and I do so want to get it right the first time.

      • “I do so want to get it right the first time.”

        Sure it’s not a crisis but it’s important πŸ™‚

        Well despite my difficulty in resisting the urge to give advice, I promise we’re happy to listen to a friend spout out whatever they need.

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