Monday morning… another day off for me and a chance to pause and let my thoughts spill out in words before they clog my poor lil’ brain but good while my sweetie is at work.
Well… Carolyn had her luncheon with her sister and her parents over the weekend and “let the cat out of the bag” regarding she and I. Both of us have been anxious about this all week and I think both of us knew in our hearts it wasn’t going to go well, that just wanting the best wasn’t going to make it happen. Sometimes when you stand in the middle of Life’s highway and see that big ol’ truck bearing down on you, there’s just no possible way to get out of it’s path, even though you see it coming. You just know you’re going to get hurt… really, really hurt… but you just can’t dodge out of it’s path and the best you can do is hope it doesn’t flatten you….. 😦
Well… that big ol’ truck left tire prints all over us this time for sure. To hear the grisly details you just have to “Read On”, o’ Gentle Visitors.
Yes… despite the careful consideration in setting up the scene for Carolyn’s big revelation, I think that deep down inside she knew that this wasn’t going to be a success. Wanting to do it without me was the biggest indication of that, I think. Carolyn said it was to keep things from being “overwhelming” for her parents… but I know the real reason was her desire to protect me from what she secretly believed would be a horrible scene. It’s the main reason it was planned to happen while they were out for lunch…. in a public setting where her Mother would be least likely to “lose it” in front of a room full of strangers. Thankfully at least that part of the plan worked…..
She left early that Saturday, so she could drive down to Sandra’s and they could go to meet their parents at a nice restaurant in the city. I knew Sandra would do her best to keep Carolyn together and act as mediator as best she could, and I’m so glad she’s the sweet loving sister that she is. Without her love and support, I’m not certain Carolyn would have survived this whole ugly mess. Seriously.
Me? I ended up working that day…. mostly to keep my sanity by trying to distract myself with something… anything.. to keep my mind occupied and stop me thinking about it. Yeah… that’s what I wanted, but not what I expected. I was so damn distracted all day… and I kept checking my cellphone for a message every break I got. Sam knew how worried I was when she caught me doing that…. normally I don’t even remember to carry my phone half the time, let alone ever check it for missed calls. Let’s just say my mind and my heart really weren’t on my job that day.
Eventually, late afternoon, I got that call. When it turned out to be Sandra on the other end of the line, I knew it was bad news. She was calling from the restaurant while Carolyn was in the restroom pulling herself together. The whole thing went worse than an “Open House” for the local peasants at Dr. Frankenstein castle… 😦
Not having been there, I’m only going on what Sandra and Carolyn have told me since…. and I certain they are both making the luncheon sound better than it must have been so as not to upset me too.
There was the prerequisite small talk of course… and eventually, having no real way to transition into such a conversation, Carolyn made the announcement that she was seriously involved with someone. That got her Mom interested but quick… given that she’s been annoying Carolyn for years with endless statements like, “When are you going to settle down and have a nice family like your sister?” or “Why don’t you make more of an effort to meet more nice men… you aren’t going to be young forever you know.” or the dreaded… “You know, dear… I’d like to actually have time being a grandmother for your children too before it’s too late.”
One deep breath later and Carolyn simple said it. “Mom… I’m with the most wonderful person in the world, someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, who truly loves me as much as I love… her.”
It took a moment, I guess, for that last part to register while Carolyn tried to rush ahead and spill it all. Me… her… all the good things we have and why it was so important to tell her parents all about it now. Her Mom never gave her the chance to get it all out. Sandra tells me she went livid…. and basically told Carolyn she didn’t want to hear any more of that kind of sick, perverted talk from a daughter of hers. She gave Sandra an earful too….. accusing her of hiding her sister’s sickness and not telling her earlier “when I could have done something about this”. She threw her napkin on the table and told them that Carolyn “disgusted her” and stormed out… leaving Mr. Simms to make the quick statement that Carolyn should take some time to think things out and then call her Mother in a few days to apologize once things “cooled down”. Then he headed out too…
The whole thing must have taken less than 15 minutes. I can only imagine how much the whole thing must have hit my sweetheart like a punch in the gut. Hearing about it over the phone made me so damn angry… and so damn sad for my sweet Carolyn. She deserved a lot better than that from her own mother… Grrrrrr!!! 😦
It took a couple hours for them to make it back up here to our town and by that time my shift at work was over, so I was there to meet them when they arrived at the apartment. They both made it inside, and my sweetheart looked horrible… she was quiet at first but after just a moment of meeting my eyes with hers, her whole face just sort of…. collapsed in on itself….. and she started crying. If I hadn’t been right there I don’t think she’d have even remained standing. Sandra helped me get her to the couch and she stayed with us the rest of the evening till Carolyn got herself under control again before heading home. It was all I could do just to keep myself from losing it too…. but I didn’t want that because I knew that would only make Carolyn feel even worse.
Sunday came and went… and even though we talked about it, and she says she’s fine, I can tell she’s torn up inside over it all. I just want to make things better for her… want to make her smile and be OK again… and I don’t know how. Damn it…
Given this, I’m even more nervous that now it’s my turn. My head and my heart tells me my parents wont be this way with me. But this experience still makes me worry that maybe I don’t know my Mom and Dad as well as I think… and that’s something that just terrifies me.
Anyways…. that’s it for now. I honestly don’t have much else to say about this until things calm down and my sweetie’s smile comes back to tell me she’s going to make it past all this. Till then, all I can do is keep trying to be her Best Friend, her loving Girlfriend, and whatever else it is she needs to make life good again.
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Best of luck.
Thank you…. I’ll take all the good thoughts I can get these days.
sorry to hear about this, Miyuki.
I can only imagine how bad the situation is. I wish Carolyn’s mother will soften her heart soon and your parents can take it easier than hers.
hope things will get better with you two soon xxx
Thank you Novia… it’s been terrible these last couple of days but I’m hoping things will get better soon.
Even though I kind of felt this would be rough, I honestly never expected such a hostile reaction from Carolyn’s Mom and Dad. Parents love their children…. and I’m so disappointing, sad, and angry all at the same time that they could treat Carolyn like this. She’s the sweetest, most loving person, and it’s killing her to hear her mother now thinks of her as a “disgusting thing”…. 😦
I’m so disappointed for you both. It’s so hard with families when everyone has expectations and fears, built up over so many years, and then has to rethink and adjust them to the real world.
I’m hopeful that you’ll all be able to come through this stronger in the end and that ultimately your parents will come to realise that this is the only relationship that can make you happy.
I know things will get better with time… I really do. I just so hope my parents are more accepting of our relationship than Carolyn’s.I can’t even contemplate anything worse than having them react the same way.
At least Sandra is still in my sweetie’s corner. That way she still has some family to hold on to.
Really sad to read this Miyu. I’m sure nothing any of us say here really helps deep down, but just be there for Carolyn. It will take time, especially if her Parents had no idea. I am sure it came as quite a sea change and a shock to them, and when emotions run high, things are often said in the heat of the moment that simply are not heartfelt. It will take time, and it’s always possible acceptance will not be complete, but if they love her, they will eventually accept their choices and come to love you as well. I hope things go so much better with your parents.
Having friends sending us good wishes does help… it’s calming for me at a time when I need to stay focused so I can concentrate on helping Carolyn through this. Thanks a bunch, seriously. 🙂
Sorry to hear that Miyu, but don’t worry.
Live your life with love.
My plan exactly Marcel… you never feel empty if you fill your heart with love.
Right now my sweet Carolyn feels like there’s a big ugly hole torn right through her and I plan to fill that with as much tender love as this wee lady can muster. She might feel that nothing can make her whole again, but it won’t be the case if I have my way.
I refuse to hit “like” on this, because I hate it.
You and your sweetie are in my thoughts.
Thank you. It’s heartening to know people are thinking nice thoughts for us… I really appreciate it at times like this to know there are people out there who understand and accept us.
that was really harsh for her mom to say that…but sometimes parents don’t mean to say it. One day they will realize that.
Be strong you two.
Carolyn’s Mom is a severe woman… but she’s still my sweetie’s mother. I’m hoping too that she’ll realize she loves Carolyn more than she hates or fears our relationship. Even if she never warms to me, I’d still rather she get back to speaking to Carolyn again.
We will stay strong as long as we have each other… and I thank you for thinking of us too Novia. 🙂
I have no words that can make you feel better. However, here are some cyber hugs from Lastech and I to you and your sweetie. {{{Miyuki and Carolyn}}}
Those hugs are most welcome indeed, and thanks for your thoughts. 🙂
I had read your post of march 15 twice. Twice because at first I crossed fingers and hoped for the best, but then I sensed that your apprehension may be well founded, unfortunately. It’s difficult finding the right words, because these events are devastating on a very personal level for those going through them.
I think it’s particularly difficult for you, watching your other half suffer through this. There’s only one suggestion I hope proper to make: I think you could consider some kind of girls day out in which you’d include Sandra. Not a dinner/movie type of outing, something like a fair, concert or festival (Spring is here). What everyone needs and both of you now especially is to laugh and laugh hard. Get Carolyn to dig her heels fully back in. And keep Sandra close.
This whole thing has been truly tough for me knowing that she’s never been tempted to say anything to her parents about any of the other women she’s been involved with since High School… until me.
On the one hand, it’s terribly sweet and means so much to me that of all the people, men or women, she’s dated over the years, that I mean that much to her that she’d go through this over lil’ ol’ me. She wants me. Us. Forever… Nobody has ever wanted me like that.
But… on the other hand, it makes me feel terribly responsible for the pain she’s dealing with, although I’ve been careful not to let her feel that vibe from me.
Yes. I’m so glad Carolyn’s sister is such a loving sister. I only wish she lived nearer to us so we could have her close in times like this.