Whew!! Yeah…. I know…. It’s been quite a long time since I did a Diary entry here at the ol’ Litterbox and by now most of my Gentle Visitors have probably forgotten all about this goofy Catgirl. 😦
Well…. I wish I had some really exotic and terribly exciting reason for it, but unfortunately it’s yet more of the same old thing…. just too darn many things going on these days to distract me away from my place here.Work…. boring day-to-day routine…. and that seemingly never ending challenge of finding simple “me time” just for myself now that I’m living with Carolyn and not that footloose and fancy-free single lady I was waaaay back when the Litterbox was all fresh and new.
Still…. I don’t want you all to think I’ve completely forgotten you all, so with another quiet morning by myself, it’s finally time to drink a little coffee…. breathe…. relax…. and bring you all up to speed on what’s happening here at “El Casa De Neko”….. 😉
So…. without further messing about, it’s time to “Read On” and find out just what it is I’ve been up to this last month or so.
Now… although work indeed has been battering away at me of late, surprisingly it’s not the main culprit in my recent struggle to balance my time. Nope….. I’d have to say that lately it’s all to do with the subtle evolution of my relationship with Carolyn as our lives become inexorably intertwined in that way that all couples experience. It was this peculiar “dance” that lead to this last month’s most memorable time…..
So. We’ve been together for over 4 and a half years now…. which for me is the single longest romantic relationship I’ve ever had and so I can’t say I was really prepared for the way that my life stopped being just about what “I” wanted and had to shift to finding out what “we” want. Naturally…. even though our love for each other seems stuck in an endless “Honeymoon” phase… we most definitely are two very different people with differing interests and hobbies. Finding common ground is always the most important thing as we move forward…. and sometimes the most challenging.
In lots of simple ways, we’re very, very different women. I’m most definitely a “homebody”…. and since college my hobbies have tended to be the ones that I can pursue solo or that don’t really involve much interaction with other people. Still…. Carolyn has adapted to most of these (like my addictive fascination with terrible horror movies 😉 ….) and even figured ways to share them with me. Naturally, I want to do the same thing… and share some of her favorite interests too….even the ones I’m not particularly drawn to.
Now, she’s always been a very actively “social” person…. enjoying nights out at the Club for dancing and partying…. and, despite my “Inner Tomboy”, she’s really faaaaaar more “sporty” than me, having been both a cheerleader back in High School as well as a ballet student for a time. But…. the one thing she’s always liked more than anything else was swimming….. something she did back in High School on her school’s swim team as well as for a Summer job as Lifeguard at her local beach. Yes… yes…. I know…. she’s practically a mermaid and a definite shoo-in for the next “Baywatch” series re-boot…. and I’m just soooo … well… not. 😦
Ummmm…. swimming…. yeah. You all know that this wee Catgirl is sooooo not fond of that particular activity, right? But…. with the recent heat wave we’ve experienced here in our part of the US, Carolyn has been just aching for some “Beach Time”….. and one particularly sweltering day popped the question, “OMG!! It’s soooo hot…. can’t we go to the beach sometime and cool off? I know it would be fun….” Sigh…. and what sort of selfish girlfriend would I be to not want to at least try to share that time with her as well?
The problem is of course that I’m absolutely hopeless when it comes to swimming. I’ve tried learning… over and over… I reeeaaally have…. and it has just never worked out. But… my sweetie was certain that it was simply because she’d never tried to teach me. “C’mon, Miyu…. I mean everybody can swim… you just haven’t been shown how properly. Besides…. you know I’d never let anything happen to you, right?”
Ummm…. yeah. Somehow that didn’t exactly fill me with confidence, but not wanting to hurt her feelings, I chalked this up to one of those sacrifices you make for the one you love and said OK….
At least that meant I could get a shopping trip out of this whole thing…. as naturally I don’t even own a swimsuit having never needed a swimsuit in my entire life. That gave me an afternoon with Sam a few days later and a trip to the city to find something suitable…. and I suspect she’d been given instructions to try to calm me down and get me psyched somehow for the whole idea. Cunning sneaks…. how they gang up on me sometimes…. I did have a nice time, and with Sam’s help found a sweet little bikini that she said would knock Carolyn’s eyes out once she saw me in it. Never a bad thing… Of course if I had the bikini, I also couldn’t live without a nice pair of flip-flops and a big straw hat to shield me from the blazing sun. That lead to a nice pair of new sunglasses…. and some sunscreen for this pale lil’ Catgirl’s UV protection…. Yep, always gotta think of these things…. 😉
Eventually, the day arrived last week…. and by this time the whole notion of “just going swimming” had taken on a life of it’s own, morphing into a full fledged “Beach Party” down at the river near town including Sam and her boyfriend and several other people from the restaurant where I work as well as a couple of Carolyn’s friends from the college. Sigh…. at least I figured there would be plenty of people around to fish me out and perform mouth-to-mouth once I got in the water…
We started off slow…. and this was Carolyn’s first inkling of just how much I don’t feel comfortable in the water. Once we got out to where the water was starting to reach my face, she swam in close to try to get me to lift up my feet and float, only to find me very… very… reluctant to do any such thing. ” Sweetie… just relax… I’m right here and I’ve got you. Lean back and see… you’ll float just fine, and I’ll be right here.” Yeah…. I’d heard that one before.
My heart pounding and my legs trembling, I did as I was told, and felt her arms cradling me trying to find my buoyancy. No such luck… as always I immediately went under and panicked, grabbing hold of her, dragging us both down. Thank goodness she really is an excellent swimmer… and as it was, it took all she had to get us upright and our heads above water. We moved in closer to shore to try again, but no amount of effort could make any difference. Eventually we spent most of our time in the shallows, as Carolyn felt maybe I just needed to get used to the idea of being in the water at all. But it didn’t really help….
I felt miserable…. as everybody else was frolicking about, swimming and having a great time while I was just useless. Eventually I just made some lame excuse about needing to use the rest room and when I got back, found another excuse to avoid going back in, busying myself at the grill cooking up the hotdogs and burgers for lunch. I just knew Carolyn was disappointed, but she didn’t press things further sensing how upset I was at blowing it in front of all our friends.
We spent the afternoon…. and for the most part had a nice time, although the nagging sense of failure kept me from truly enjoying it all. Carolyn got to swim and play frisbee with some of the others in the water while I spent most of my time trying to pretend it didn’t bother me to be unable to join in. I was secretly just relieved when sunset finally brought the party to a close and we all broke up to head back home. I’d so wanted to finally get the chance to share one of Carolyn’s “favorite things”…. show her that we didn’t just have to do all the things I liked all the time… and instead, I’d just blew it. 😦
It put me in a pretty blue mood for most of the rest of the evening… and even worse, Carolyn hadn’t said a thing since we got home, acting as if nothing had gone wrong at all, which only made it worse. It wasn’t until we slid into bed that evening and cuddled up to go to sleep that she finally decided to say something.
“Honey… you really hated the swim lesson, didn’t you? I’m sorry… I really shouldn’t have pushed you so hard. I just never knew you were so darn afraid of the water.” I rolled around nearly in tears and asked her if she was disappointed with me and she just laughed and said, “Disappointed? With you? Never…. You were really scared. I’ve never seen anybody react so badly to being in the water before. I can’t believe you went in at all feeling like that…. and to think you did it just to please me. You never need to think you have to do that.. ever…. I love you just the way you are, silly… If we go to the beach again you can sit under an umbrella all day sipping drinks from a coconut while I’m in the water for all I care. It’s just important to me that you want to be there with me.”
She gave me a fierce lil’ hug in the dark then, and kissed away the moist tears from my eyes before adding with a naughty giggle, “Of course… swimming or not… you’ll still have to keep wearing that hot little bikini whenever we do go. Definitely remind me sometime to thank Sam for helping you pick it out…”
So…. even though I still can’t swim….. and even if our Beach Time isn’t going to be quite what Carolyn hoped it would be, I’m ever so glad that my “BFF” still wants to hang out with me as much as my “Lover” also still loves goofy lil’ me, flaws and all…. and I’m soooo glad that both of them are still one and the same. Who says you can’t have it all?
Anyway…. that’s my only bit of “personal stuff” worth sharing this time out… and if I get the chance, I’m going to try to get another Review up and in place tomorrow. Assuming nothing else from the “Real World” butts it’s head in, that is.
And hey…. there’s always a chance that’ll happen, right? 😉
Till next time, Gentle Visitors, keep cool…. keep dry…. and “Meow, meow for now!!”