So… it’s an otherwise pleasant Fall day outside, the birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and the beautiful autumn leaves are falling gently from the trees. What could be wrong with such a delightful picture? Zombies…. that’s what.
Just about the time life seems to be rolling along perfectly, isn’t that when those pesky brain chomping, flesh eating, smelly ol’ “Living Impaired” types show up all out of the blue just to ruin things? Given our “Halloween Zombie Movie Festival” theme here at the ol’ Litterbox this October, it seemed prudent to let you know just what sort of precautions you can take just to be safe in the advent that this year the annoying “Zombie Apocalypse” decides to rear it’s ugly head at last.
Luckily for you, Gentle Visitors, the “International League of Catgirl Princesses” is all over this problem. There are an amazing number of resources available out there on the big ol’ Internet and some of them are actually pretty darn useful…. (Others will probably get your brain eaten faster than you can say “OMG!! Zombies!!” Hehehe!!). Somebody needs to separate the crap from the good stuff….. before it’s too late. That’s where we Catgirls come in…. gettin’ you all the straight word on what to do to survive the inevitable.
Naturally this is very crucial information you NEED to know… so isn’t it time to “Read On” and find out how you can survive the coming holocaust and be one of the lucky people to live in a post-zombified world now probably only filled with savvy Zombie fighting Catgirls and those lucky enough to be with them? (Honest!! That’s probably exactly how it’ll be…. Would your Favorite Catgirl Princess fool ya? Hehehehe!!)
So…. what exactly is the “Zombie Apocalypse” anyway and how can you see it coming? Well every so helpful Wikipedia describes it this way: “In a zombie apocalypse, a widespread rise of zombies hostile to human life engages in a general assault on civilization. In some mythologies, victims of zombies may become zombies themselves if they are bitten by zombies; in others, everyone who dies, whatever the cause, becomes one of the undead. In either scenario, this causes the outbreak to become an exponentially growing crisis: the spreading “zombie plague” swamps normal military and law enforcement organizations, leading to the panicked collapse of civilian society until only isolated pockets of survivors remain, scavenging for food and supplies in a world reduced to a pre-industrial hostile wilderness.” Yep…. that sounds about right. This all leaves you asking the inevitable, “But Neko!! I really don’t want to get eaten alive by smelly zombies!! What the heck do I do?” Good question! Thankfully there are short films available to help us get a grip on the situation and make our plans.
First up, we have a wonderful lil’ Civil Defense film “How to Survive a Zombie Attack” packed with all sorts of useful information, certain to be of great value when the Living Dead start shambling around your particular neck of the woods. Although a bit dated…. looking fresh from the 1950’s… it’s still amazing how much the information still holds true today in the 21st century.
Then another one, “How to Survive a Zombie Attack”… more of a recap of the earlier stuff, but notice how much of the information matches. See… the “Truth is out there”. Really!!
Ok…Ok…. so now you get the picture of what we’re all up against. You know you gotta get ready, so where do you start? With fashion of course… silly. I mean… what’s the point of surviving the initial holocaust if you can’t do it with a measure of style and chic? The modern zombie hunter needs a look that says: “I’m dangerous!! No trying to eat my brain you nasty dead people!!” but…. at the same time says: “I’m sporty, sexy, flirty, and cute and don’t you all just want me to survive, right?” Never ever discount the need for weary survivors to need something to brighten up their drab and mostly hopeless lil’ lives in “Zombie World”….. It’s a tough job… but be there for them, as much a Cheerleader for the Future of All Humanity as a butt kicking zombie killin’ agent of destruction.
Short skirts, with lots of leather and spandex are good for lots of freedom of movement and a lot of guns and weapons usually seal the deal too, just ask any of the horny geeks at cosplay conventions. 9 out of 10 of them will heartily recommend this look (and that 10th one is probably gay, a victim of “Catgirl Envy”, or seriously into Pokemon…. Hehehehe!!).
How about those weapons? What sort of stuff should I, a budding Catgirl survivor, use against our evil zombie menace? Well…. every Catgirl will certainly want to unleash her inner tigress a bit differently, but remember the old zombie killing mantra “If it’s Undead, shoot it in the Head”. This means that whatever weapon you select should afford you the greatest chance of relieving our Zombie friend of the use of his noggin’… but fast. Preferably from a safe distance…. Zombie bites are just plain nasty looking and always result in somebody re-evaluating your survival potential. Having multiple back-ups is good too. Guns have a nasty way of running out of bullets at just the wrong moment…. so something a bit more low tech, up close and personal might be in order as well.
Ahhhh…. Yes, now there are those who think that blunt instruments, like baseball bats, lead pipes or crowbars are just the ticket here…. but wait a moment…. we all want to be stylish and sophisticated while we’re exterminating our naughty zombie foes, and if a steady diet of anime and exploitation films have taught us nothing, it’s that girls with swords always look really…. really… undeniably super cute…. so is there really any other choice? No… Not really… just remember to watch how you swing that thing…. or somebody could lose somethin’ important!!
Naturally…. when you aren’t killin’ zombies, you’ll probably want something to motor around the drab wastelands of the post-apocalyptic landscape. Cars are certainly OK, but for mobility, gas mileage and that ever so important “look”, your average Catgirl could do worse that get herself a nifty motorcycle to go vroomin’ around on. “Mad Max” look out!! (Not that the Cat Car isn’t just the most kawaii thing in the world… but perhaps not the most practical vehicle for dodging the putrid unending hordes of the Walking Dead…..)
So…. with a few preparations in mind, you can definitely see that we Catgirls are ready, willing, and able to defend Humanity and all we hold dear when the proverbial poo hits the fan for real. Zombies beware!!
Till then…. remember to keep your powder dry, your pantry well stocked, your wardrobe stylin’ and “Meow, meow for now!!”