It’s a Wednesday morning and I’m finally awake enough to greet you all for my weekly “Diary” update. Sometimes all the coffee in the world isn’t enough to revive my weary lil’ butt in the morning, but, a hearty cuppa and a nice hot shower can usually do wonders… and so, both accomplished, I’m ready to face the world again.
So… it’s been a couple of days and by now you are probably wondering what happened to your Favorite Catgirl Princess last Saturday Night. Let’s just say it wasn’t what I expected. Nope… not by a long shot!! It’s taken me a day or so to think about it… now I think I’m finally ready to write it all down… so here goes.
I was almost not going to go. I think seeing the box of sweets still sitting on my desk Friday morning still untouched was the first clue as to how uneasy the prospect made me feel. I told some of the people at work that I wasn’t going….. but they told me that would be so rude if the invitation was from somebody I knew. I thought about it… and I’m really timid and scared of unknown situations, but finally decided to give it a chance as long as I could set up a deal with Samantha to give me a call 20 minutes into the date so I could let her know everything was OK. Even so, I half expected to chicken out at the last minute.
There was the agony of picking an outfit….. nothing tooo sexy… nothing tooo drab…. I was truly conflicted as to what “message” I wanted to send any potential “crush”. Finally I settled for a nice paisley patterned dress I hadn’t worn in a while and when I could delay no longer, set out for the Moroccan restaurant.
It’s a nice place, with really good food and a pleasant exotic atmosphere. I got there first… just as I expected I would… and found the meal all ordered and wine already at the table. I wondered who would show up. I had considered Ben, my “blind date” from a while ago. Maybe he’d finally realized his mistake at letting such a rare treasure as me slip through his fingers…. Sean, our Produce supplier at the restaurant was always flirting with me…. was it him? Who, who WHO??
Then I felt this soft little tap on my shoulder and I turned around…. (actually I almost jumped right out of my seat..) and there my “Secret Admirer” was. My oldest and best friend…. Carolyn.
At first I thought she’d come to make sure I wasn’t in any danger…. that she was just here to make certain my date wasn’t some kind of psycho kidnapper/slaver. Then she sat down and started stammering “Surprise!”
She rushed on telling me how much she really felt about us as friends and how she’s always had a secret crush on me since we we in college together, but hadn’t wanted to ever say anything out of fear I’d just hate her or something. Her recent stay at my apartment during my flu bout, had shown her how much she loved me and wanted us to be together. The fact that I was still single after all these years had given her the idea that maybe there might be a chance for us to be more than just best friends.
I think I must have been in shock…. and I couldn’t say anything at first. Unfortunately I think that my reaction really hurt Carolyn’s feelings. I’m not homophobic or anything, but I honestly never thought of Carolyn, or any other girl for that matter, in that way….. She laughed it off, told me she’d understand if I didn’t feel the same way, and that it was just so nice to finally “come out” so to speak and be honest with me. Our dinner continued… although there was a surreal weirdness to the experience that definitely built an invisible wall between us for the rest of the meal. Samantha’s “Safety Call” didn’t help either. It ended up with me being evasive and vague on the phone so as not to tell Sam what was going on, and to make Carolyn think the call was from work about something important.
The “date” ended early… and Carolyn went right home afterward, not even giving me a lil’ hug goodbye like she’s done a million times before. She lives a good hour and a half away, but didn’t even ask about staying overnight at my place like she’s always done either. It was a truly depressing end to the evening… there’s a big “thing” standing between us now, and I don’t know what to think about it.
Darn…. can my life get any more complicated? I mean I really do love Carolyn….. I’m just fairly certain I don’t love her in that way, and I don’t want to lose my best friend over something like this. Now I’m sort of wishing I’d “chickened out” after all. I don’t know what I’m going to do next…..
Well….. enough of the “Soap Oprah” that is my life lately…. Hopefully next time out I’ll be back to much more mundane stuff.
Till then, “Meow, meow for now!!”