Yep… I know… I know… I’ve been fairly absent again from the ol’ Litterbox of late these last few weeks. Seems like I’m always apologizing for this… but, as always… just when I think my schedule might be loosening up a bit and letting me breathe easier something always conspires to find ways to fill my time up to overflowing with “Things To Do”. Still, since it has been awhile since I sat a spell and dished all the details of my boring lil’ life for you o’ Gentle Visitors, I thought that a rainy Friday afternoon completely free from work and responsibilities might just be the perfect opportunity to bring all you curious folk up to date with a quick Diary posting.
At least the last few weeks have managed to actually give me stuff worth writing about… never a bad thing.
So… ready or not… here’s all the latest stuff to happen to your Favorite movie lovin’ Catgirl Princess! (Psssstt!! Yep… time again to “Read On!!”…. )
Ahhhh…. an honest-to-goodness quiet afternoon to myself. Really haven’t had one of those for a couple of weeks and I can’t believe how much I needed one. What’s the reason for it? Why, primarily work of course. Isn’t it always?
Not too long ago we got a bit of a surprise when two different local restaurants both closed their doors unexpectedly, one because of the death of the owner and the other when their lease expired on the land they sat on and it wasn’t extended. That left lots of hungry customers looking for a new place to meet and eat… good for my restaurant’s bottom line profits… bad for kitchen manager Miyuki’s personal time. Sigh….
So with our daily business up about 30% over normal, it’s pretty much been all hands on deck to manage the day-to-day stuff needed to keep up with it all. Throw in the general increase that always occurs as the two local colleges go back in to their Fall Semesters and I’ve been one terribly busy kitten of late. Damn that whole “responsible grown-up level-headed career woman” thing…..
Now… at home… things have been a lot more relaxing of late. Carolyn is getting ready for her department’s new students at the college with her usual organized and measured aplomb. We have lots of time to spend together when my crazy schedule allows it, although there have been plenty of evenings where poor lil’ me conks out early and falls asleep on the couch to Carolyn’s amusement. Yep… most everything is pretty much good for us…. except for the peculiar smell wafting in from the parking lot for about a week.
Funny odor? Oh heck yes… Funky… rotting… putrid beyond belief. What exactly does it smell like? Try the pungent scent of Death itself. Not certain what it is…. but we finally found out where it lives. There’s a storm drain along the curb near our dumpster, and from deep within that darkened hole the horrible reeking stench rises to assault our entire apartment complex. Euuuwwwhhh!!
Something is most certainly dead down there. Despite complaints, the building manager tells us that it’s the town’s drain and therefore the town’s responsibility to address this problem. Grrrrr… I just hate bureaucracy. With luck, this will get taken care of soon… the Public Works people say they’ll flush the system as soon as they can, but the lack of quick action tells me they are probably hoping a good rain will come along first and do the job for them. Lazy buggers… Until then, no BBQ picnics in the green-space downstairs, and no open windows to enjoy the summer breezes at night… at least not till that stench abates somewhat. With that… any evening I’m not working of late has been the perfect excuse for a night out, which has made my sweet Carolyn one happy lady, she’s much more comfortable doing all the “social” stuff than this wee Catgirl homebody.
And she’s really loving all that… especially since with our mutual “coming out” all complete, she’s finally feeling comfy about us being a very public “couple” together. That’s something that’s been a great liberating thing for her… and me as well… especially since she’s always taken such care to keep her previous female romantic relationships very private and very personal. She was really good at it too… after all, I was completely unaware of them for years and we’ve always been close.She’s told me that being with me has always made being discreet difficult… always catching herself wanting to touch me or hold me in ways that would give it away to anybody in a second. I can’t tell you how special that feels… knowing I affect her like that. I’ve never had anybody else in my life who has ever had that kind of pure love and passion for me. If you don’t have that feeling in your own life yet… trust me… you want it too, even if you don’t know it. Oh yes….
Which brings me to the biggest development of the last few weeks…
Now Carolyn’s Mom still maintains her frosty uncommunicative self…. thinking she’s punishing her daughter for her perceived “sins”, when in truth she’s just hurting her with her continued silence. My sweetie has made her peace with it… not as if she has any other choice, but thankfully she’s enjoying a growing relationship with my parents…. my Mom especially… to help fill that hole in her heart. My Mom... I could never have guessed how utterly cool and modern she truly is. Her weekly calls now always include a chat with Carolyn too… and sometimes, when work means I’m not there to take the call, they often spend an hour or so as Mom endeavors to get to know my sweetie as intimately as she can…. sometimes even a bit too intimately.
I found that out just this last Sunday. Work on the weekends has been brutal and long these last few weeks, and I pulled a split shift that day that kept me from being at home when Mom called that afternoon… but my sweetie was home.
Once I did get home, well after 11 that evening, all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep, but Carolyn was awake and so after a long hot shower I ended up cuddled together with her while she recounted the details of my Mom’s call.
She wished me well of course… and was disappointed that “Miyuki works far too hard these days”. She quizzed Carolyn about her job of late… and told her all the stuff she and Dad have been up to. She wanted to hear all the boring stuff we’d been up to, naturally and if we were happy and all. Then out of the blue she remarked about the recent repeal of Prop 8 out in California and that if Carolyn and I were thinking of getting married, how it would be nice that we could do it out in California where they could be part of the wedding plans. If we were planning on getting married of course… Carolyn said she was at a loss for words at that point. Ha! That alone would have been worth witnessing…..
“I didn’t know what to tell your Mom… I mean you and I have never really talked about that or anything… and so I told her I hadn’t really asked you yet.”
After a long hard day at work, I have to admit that this was sorta the last discussion I ever expected to have. Seriously… and I was kind of at a loss for words myself. In the dark… all cuddled up close… after a moment of surprised silence all I could say was: “Ummmm? So are you asking me? Is that what you want? To be married to me, I mean. All “official” and such?”
She squirmed a little… and I knew she was wrestling with the idea. “Honestly… I’ve thought about it. I really have… Especially once it became legal here a couple years ago… but honestly I don’t think I could do it as long as Mom and Dad still aren’t speaking to me. Doing it before they finally accept you and me being together would just about guarantee that Mom would never come around. Ever. But that doesn’t mean I love you any less… I want you to know that.”
Silly girl…. I just rolled around and hugged her then…. because Carolyn even just thinking about wanting to make me her very own wife, all legal and official, was about the sweetest notion she could have admitted and I told her so. I also told her I was perfectly fine with just being “engaged” if that was all we could be till she got things straight with her own parents one way or another. Besides… quite honestly I’d really never considered the idea myself till that very moment. Probably my own very conventional lil’ brain still playing catch-up with the whole notion of our relationship in modern terms. Weird to think that dear old Mom was further ahead on the curve this time out… (Good gracious… if she starts quizzing us next about the possibilities of grandchildren in a same-sex marriage…. I know my lil’ mind’s not ready for that conversation with her….)
But it’s all got me thinking. Is this something I really want? Would it be a betrayal if I decide I like our life just the way it is? Do we really need the permission from some impersonal official to be together the rest of our lives to be happy? I have to say… my usually instantaneous instincts for good snap decisions have failed me this time out. I honestly just don’t know what I want. Right now I feel I could be happy either way… but there’s a tiny crumb of feeling that makes me ambivalent and even a little leery of the whole idea. So what does that mean? Grrrrr!! Sometimes I just think too much….
Anyways…. that’s all the big news this time out. Hopefully in the next few weeks I’ll have better luck getting my mojo back and posting more regularly… but no promises… we all know how this wee Catgirl’s luck with those usually works out.
Till next time.. “Meow, meow for now o’ Gentle Visitors!”